Dear Sweat hunter.
I'm a modern woman. I may look unclean sometimes. Some men think I'm hairy. I tell them to go to hell. But I like Frank Sinatra. And I believe in stardust. I believe in lots of things. Will you tell me what I should do?
- Listless.

Listless. I have one word for you. Gilette. I know it seems strange. A woman shaving, I mean. But many women do it, every day! You know those women you see with hairless legs, they weren't born that way. When you say hairy, do you mean hairy like a peach or hairy like a wild boar? You know women often like hair? Maybe you should try for one of them. I hope you don't believe in superheros because they don't exist. And one more thing, Frank Sinatra is square. If you want to be cool you should try listening to someone like Celine Dion. Only old people listen to Frank Sinatra.

~        

Dear Sweathunter.
I want to be a man. But I'm a boy. Men are big. I am small. Please help me.
- Boything

Dear boything. Don't worry. Someday you'll be a man. Unless you are already a man and look like a boy. Or perhaps you have not yet matured. Maybe you're a late bloomer. Maybe your peepee is small. I don't know. In any case. It's alright. Look for something beautiful. In beauty you find size doesn't matter as much. It might to her or him or whatever you like but it won't to you. Because it's beautiful baby. That's why you love it. Because it's all about you. And that's how it has to be. Don't worry about your partner. Forget about her or him or it. Because if you go to a bar and light up a cigarette that's enough. Cigarettes are cool. Chicks dig them. Do little things like rub honey all over yourself and walk around making sounds like a peacock. Girls love it. Of course maybe you like boys. Maybe you're really a dog who learned how to write. I'll never know because of this beautiful barrier they've set up between you and me.

~  

Dear Sweathunter.
Once I drove a caddilac around the country and I was happy. People respected me because I was driving and always going somewhere. Then I turned into a horse and all that changed.
- Horse

Okay. This is freaky. I put these together to show you that animals are learning how to speak and that past lives exist. There. That's proof. I got a letter from a horse. Horsey. If you can read listen to me, alright? I think you're beautiful. But you already knew that. I just wanted to say that maybe you should end your life right now, if you're really a human inside a horse's body. Do hari kari or something. Lay down on a throw rug and somehow you could slit your throat or something. I know you don't have thumbs my friend but you can write. Goddamit you can write! and if you can do that you can end your life. Do it. Like the lemmings. Do it now!

Dear Sweathunter.
Do you have a PhD in hunting sweat? How do you hunt sweat? Do you capture it when people run places or when they exercise?
- I Want To Know.

I Want To Know. You are obivously a child because you're questions are stupid. If you're not a child I pity you.

~